WASHINGTON, D.C. — Unconfirmed reports emerging this week from the United States Department of Agriculture suggest American health officials are preparing to announce a two-year long domestic ban on retail sales of Maria Sharapova's high-end candy line Sugarpova due to an ongoing series of failed drug tests.

"We're unable to comment on pending litigation," claimed USDA press officer Eliza Davies, citing applicable privacy laws. "But I can tell you a recent investigation has resulted in an injunction for a company producing a yellow ball-shaped novelty candy."

Pushed for additional details of the USDA investigation, Davies explained it was a straightforward process. "There are always a number of red flags when we see any generic product being sold to the public for a nonsensical amount of money. If it smells fishy and looks fishy, it's probably laced with something other than fish."

A spokesperson for Sugarpova vehemently denied the reports, asserting the company and its namesake have always worked above board with the USDA and gone to great lengths in recent years to ensure compliance with relevant safety standards.

"We can't deny the fact that testing on our products increased after certain doping incidents involving our financial backers over the past decade—that's public knowledge—but we've produced a clean product for years that everyone can enjoy if they can afford it."

"Just because some people think we can't compete in the candy market based solely on the quality of our product, it doesn't mean we're going to cheat to make a breakthrough."

"That's not how Maria operates anymore."