THE BROKEN STRING
OLD GOAT
BASEL, SWITZERLAND  Fresh off of his 39th birthday, Swiss maestro and perpetually awe-inspiring uber-human Roger Federer has announced he's setting his sights on playing high-level competitive tennis past the age of 50, hoping to further cement his indisputable legacy as the single greatest player of all-time.

Despite being forced out of both the US Open and the French Open due to injury, sources close to the 20-time grand slam champion believe he's poised to enter a new stage of his career upon his return next January—one where he could easily continue as the best player in the world for another 10-15 years.

"Given how poor the younger players are these days, I wouldn't put it past Roger to just keep on playing," claimed one ATP Tour veteran close to the Federer camp. "50 is the new 30, right? You also shouldn't discount the fact that he's, you know, superhuman."

"I can't imagine a situation where he wouldn't be winning three or four grand slams a year again once Rafa and Novak retire."

Medical experts at the Swiss Institute of Health in Basel—who consult on a regular basis with Federer—say all common metrics for analyzing the effects of aging on physical performance go out the window when it comes to the ageless Swiss superstar.

"We've been working with Roger for years and his physiology is truly one of a kind," said anti-aging expert Dr. Frederich Notzche. "You'd be hard-pressed to find anyone else on the tour who will still be able to hold a racquet—let alone compete—at the age of 39. You're crazy if you think he can't keep doing it well into his 50s."

"The only person on the planet who can say when Roger Federer will be done playing is Roger Federer himself."
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